The Valentines Day Massacre

Eighty years to the day of the notorious "Valentines Day Massacre" I was in Chicago, the city where it occurred, embracing and enjoying life, loving and laughing more than I have ever known as an adult. It was a pure joy that I will remember the rest of my days. It will also be the last time I acknowledge and celebrate St. Valentines day.

Once, on some radio talk show, I heard that dealing with the loss of someone actually equates to the physical pain of being punched in the stomach. Forty eight hours after returning from Chicago, getting back in the groove of my predictable and comfortable schedule in Dallas, I got the first punch. I speak from the experience of this past six days, it is not just a single punch, it is a beating. Punch after punch they kept coming. Being a Computer Science major I think like a computer, things are very black and white to me, very logical. I could make no logic for this loss, there was no resolution, no final good bye hug, just loss. It was dark, it hurt, and like a computer I crashed and shut down.

When I was a younger professional figure skater, and even today, music has always played a huge role in my life, like it does in many peoples lives. As a choreographer, music would often give me visions of movement, shapes and colors; evoke emotions, even offer strength. Music is powerful, and I used this tool to pull my self back together. Like a computer I had to reboot and continue living. I still hurt, but each day is a little easier. I am thankful for music.

I am a bit behind on my journal entries and that is not how I want to journal. I am about to do several back to back and I also am sure they were not intended to be done as such. This entry is about Victim Language and Creator Language. This was the first time I could bring myself to write and not be a "Victim" after this past weeks loss.

I am a strong man, a strong human, and eternity optimistic. With some sadness life does go on, but it feels so good to be back in what our textbook would call "Creator" and what I call "Kevin's healthy mental state of mind".

Below, in bold, are ten Victim Language quotes from the book. Just below them, not in bold, and in the color red, will be my translation turning the Victim Language into Creative Language.


If they would do something about the parking on campus, I wouldn't be late so often.

Since parking seems to be such an issue, I am going to start taking the bus or riding my bike.

I am failing because no one in my family is good at math. I think we have defective math genes.

Math is a difficult subject for me, so I am going to ask my instructor to suggest a tutor and spend more time in the math lab.

I'm too shy to ask questions in class even when I am confused.

I am confused in class, so I will stay after and ask the instructor since I am too shy to speak during class. I also am going to work on not being shy!

She's a lousy instructor. That's why I failed the first test.

Her teaching style is not my favorite, so I am going to really apply myself to studying.

I hate group projects because people are lazy and I always end up doing most of the work.

I cannot control other people, only myself. I will ask for every ones equal participation, however, I am willing to do whatever has to be done to make a good grade on this project.

I wish I could write better, but I just cant.

I want to be a good writer, so I am going to apply myself harder to this subject. I am able to do anything I set my mind too.

My friend got me so angry that I could not even study for the exam.

I need to take some time to relax and calm down over my anger with my friend, that way I will be able ot focus and study for tomorrows exam.

I'll try to do my best this semester.

I will do my best this semester, staying focused every single day.

The financial aid for is too complicated to fill out.

I am going to go to the financial aid office and ask for help filling out this form.

I work nights so I didn't have time to do the assignment.

Today, I need to structure my schedule so that I have plenty of study time and not miss another assignment.

If the ten statements in bold above came out of one persons mouth I would have to slap them! Good Lord. While reading about and practicing Creator Language, I've realized that we often give ourselves little "outs" and wiggle room to not take responsibility for our actions. Therefore, if you don't take responsibility, you are a victim.

Grow a pair, take responsibility for yourself and take action.