Journal 10

Write a one sentence statement of one of your most motivating goals or dreams in your role as a student

As a student, I want to stay consistent with applying myself keeping a high GPA. I want to be well thought of by my teachers and fellow students.

Write a list of personal qualities that would help you achieve this educational goal or dream.

• staying focused
• taking care of my self mind body and soul
• eating well
• getting plenty of rest
• keeping a good attitude
  
• being understanding of others
• studying often, college does not end when you leave campus
• staying centered
• staying in a place of gratefulness
  
• helping others when able
• making good friendships and emotional connections while in school

Write three versions of your personal affirmation.

A) I am a centered, focused man with a good attitude.

B) I am a centered, focused man with a good attitude creating my dreams.

C) I am a centered, focused man with a good attitude and I love life.

Choose one sentence from step four above that you like best and write that sentence five or more times.

• I am a centered, focused man with a good attitude and I love life.
• I am a centered, focused man with a good attitude and I love life.
• I am a centered, focused man with a good attitude and I love life.
• I am a centered, focused man with a good attitude and I love life.
• I am a centered, focused man with a good attitude and I love life.
• I am a centered, focused man with a good attitude and I love life.
• I am a centered, focused man with a good attitude and I love life.

Write three paragraphs, one for each of the qualities in your affirmation.

I've not always been centered, there may be children who are born with this blessing and grow into it gracefully and beautifully, but I was not one. After years of living an frustrating life largely in part to the decisions I was making I wanted more. I wanted a better life. A close friend of mine gave me a book about me meditation and the effects it can have on one. It was really life changing for me. When I am centered things do not bother me as much as usual, my mood is well tempered and even, and over all, I am a more pleasant person to be around. Christa, thank you for being so insightful to give me the book titled "The Key".

I have had moments of great focus and single mindfulness to accomplish goals, but like above, it did not come naturally nor in my younger years could I summon it on command like a witches spell. Thankfully, age has shown me the tremendous benefits of being focused. An example of my being focused was probably first seen when I was in my mid teens. I so wanted to get away from my uber negative family life, I zeroed in like a laser beam on my ability to figure skate and what to do to get better so I would be desirable to a touring show. That was my ticket out and it worked.

Having a positive attitude for me has been the foundation of many many employment offers, skating or otherwise even if the other pair team was better than us. No one wants to be around someone with a poor attitude. When standing in line to renew your automobile tags or mail something at the USPO when the line is out the door; it is surprising the length someone will go, even when in a bad mood, for someone who smiles and has a positive attitude.

Well, chapter 3 was great, I just turned ahead and saw chapter 4 is on MASTERING Self Management. Thank God.

Journal 9

I have so much going on in my head, so many things I need to get done, so many things I want to stay ahead of (I like to stay a week a head of all my classes in work and reading) that I am not so focused on any brain drain and have no multimedia to post! Actually, a couple of the projects I am working on are several different kinds of multimedia (one for your class) so my energies are going there. I also have neglected my bike riding this past week and want to make more time for it.

I very much enjoy "routine" and school has thrown a cog in my feeling of routine. I think that is part of the learning process in college is to be able to effectively manage time, juggle several large and small projects at once all with deadlines, and still stay well fed and rested. I'll continue to try to learn this lesson.

Write a visualization of the exact moment in the future when you are experiencing the accomplishment of your biggest goal or dream as your role as a student.

The day of graduation, I wake up smiling but tired because it was hard to sleep the night prior. If dad is in town, and I am sure he will be for such an event, he will have already made coffee so it will be the first thing I smell and crave. He and I will make idol conversation about the exciting day and part company as I go to get showered and dressed.

I will have some dread of the parking and the crowds of people. I am diagnosed and medicated for agoraphobia (a strong desire to not leave the house and an absolute unease of crowds). My excitement and a quick dose of xanax will help me cope as we get in the car. I know several of my friends will also want to attend, so I may suggest we get a driver and car (limo) so it will be one less things to make me over stressed.

Close friends and family about, I will be beaming, near busting, with excitement. The crowed and being separated from my loved ones will be trying, but I know it will be only for a short time. After, I am quite sure we all will go someplace for a fine lunch or dinner. Keeping all this in mind will help me not freak out being sandwiched in so many people as I wait patiently for them to call my name. Walking across the stage I will be more in my element and joyful, excited to shake hands with whomever and receive my long worked for acknowledgement of my achievement. Additionally, I hope to be a part of the student who are in the top of their class, an added joy.

Diploma in hand, I will have the overwhelming urge to leave then, but I think it is normal to stay for the entire ceremony. I will wait and enjoy my fellow mates accomplishments also, proud of us all.

After the family dinner, I am sure my close friends and I will go "get our drink on" most likely retaining the limo for safety - and maybe even stay the evening at the Plaza, a place that bring back many memories of childhood skating.

While this is a visualization, I will put money on it that this is just about how it will happen!

Journal 8

Title a clean page of paper in your journal: MY LIFE PLAN. Below the title, complete the part of your Life Plan for your role as a student.

MY LIFE PLAN

My Dream

To wear my life like a set of comfortable clothing, being well educated, able to travel when wanted. Being in some kind of profession that could be completely mobile, allowing me to be able to conduct business from anywhere so I can enjoy the the luxury of travel. This does not necessarily mean business travel, there is a huge difference from doing business at a remote location and having to be at a remote location to conduct your business.

I want to be respected at what I do, even a leader in the industry. I want to balance work and personal life, not neglecting my better half (should I ever have another) or family.

I just reread our instructions, and I think I have jumped the gun a bit. As a student, I want to stay consistent with applying myself keeping a high GPA. I want to be well thought of by my teachers and fellow students.

My Life Role as a Student

My role as a student is what it is. It is my responsibility to show up on time, pay attention, follow through completely with each assignment doing the best I can. It is my responsibility to absorb and learn the information that is presented to me, and then show that I have mastered this information by doing well on test and exams. Being an adult student, I am here because I want to be here, so I enjoy it. Having fun is very important to me and becoming a student is very fun!

Further more, I feel it is my responsibility to not be disruptive in classes or school, and to be an over all asset (not a liability) to the school, my classes and everyone I come into contact with.

My Long Term Goals in this Role

Well, fairly easily I feel I can accomplish an Associates degree. I feel by then I will be offered or come across some fulfilling employment that I can thrive in and make what I need to live how I like to live. However, I am not attached to this outcome. Should that not happen I am open to continuing on to accomplish a Bachelor of Science and then seeking employment using my new skill sets.

My Short Term Goals in this Role

Sorry this is going to be so short, even if I dive deep. I find it best to keep many things as simple as possible. My short term goal in my role as a student is to have and maintain a 3.5 or higher GPA.

Write about what you have learned or relearned by designing your life plan.

Not a whole lot, other than it is good to see it on paper (opps, sorry, written out on a computer monitor). You can think of a goal, but as long as it is in your head it means very little. Once you share it with somebody, it has come out of your mouth, it brings you a step closer. When you get to the point of writing it down you are taking some action towards that goal (applause, applause), now make a game plan to achieve that goal and with a positive attitude, nothing can stop you except yourself.

Journal 7 and my Brain Drain

I know how crazy people feel. Head all tight, hearing crazy voices, not being able to focus because your emotional temperature is off the charts. Things, people, and some peoples actions can drive me to feel all of this at once. When this happens only one thing can help me get back to center (or as this class calls it, back "On Course") That is a brain drain. Get that crazy stuff out of your head; it is like popping a huge zit and getting all that grossness out and BAM, you're back On Course, you're centered.

I can get back to center by spending quality time with a friend and having a deep quality conversation (and maybe a glass of Merlot, or three), I can do it sometimes by meditation (but meditation for me is hard, I guess that is why they call it a discipline) or I can do it by writing. I would say being with a friend is my favorite but I benefit the most from writing.

So what I have got to get out of my head, like a poison, is something I saw on MSNBC when I got home today. The Honorable Mayor Dean Grose of Los Alamitos, California recently sent out from his personal email account the photo above with the a heading saying "No Easter egg hunt at the White House this year". Yes, you read right, a mayor. In case you were wondering, yes, he is Republican. Have you noticed how bitter they are these days?

The White House front lawn covered in watermelons was sent from Mr. Mayors personal email address to a circle of people who he thought might enjoy this kind of humor, however, one of the recipients was Keyanus Price. Ms. Price is an African American woman who sits on the board of the Youth Center, and she often works with city officials in the community representing her employer. Needless to say she, deeply offended, shared this with the local paper and it is now a national headline. If you feel knowledge is power click here to read the story from the local paper in Los Alamitos. I don't care to go on about the details of the story because no matter what is said or written about this event, Mayor Grose is a sad stupid man and is wrong.

In addition to writing, I also feel taking action is healthy and empowering. I am a cleaver little beaver, and it took me less than 4 minutes to find the email address of the mayor and his council members. I am writing an email to the Mayor, and his entire city council (four people). I am writing as a "political corespondent" from my own news blog and video cast called THIS WEEKS RECAP and asking a few very pointed questions. I am sure none of the will reply, even though my email asking questions is polite, fact based and unbiased. I am asking that even if they have "no comment" to please respond as such.

Lord help them if I so much as get a sentence out of any 5 of these f&%$tards! They are going to be taught what it is like to be on the butt end of a tasteless joke. It is small, and we just started it, however, THIS WEEKS RECAP is a fun project several friends of mine and I have started. At the moment it is by invitation only to access it, I will make sure you get an invite. I also will BCC you on the letter I am writing to these people.

Being gay, I have had crap like this thrown in my face all my life. THIS WEEKS RECAP is my response to every small minded (and usually uneducated) buffoon who has belittled me or any of my brothers and sisters in the human race. It also gives me a platform that is a little more than my meager vote to call politicians on their bullshit.

Okay, I feel better, on with my assignment!

Write three or more of your own desired outcomes for this course and/or this semester. Next (or under) each, explain why you value achieving that outcome.

Of course I want good, well no, excellent grades, however, more important, I want to truly and deeply absorb every bit of information in each class.

I value the above outcome because what I am doing is building a house of knowledge in my head. I want this house to be built on a super strong foundation, the foundation of this house is this, my first semester in college. If I pass a class but really don't understand 50% of it, I'm going to struggle twice as much in the class that proceeds it. If that happens, the educational "house" I am trying to build will crumble like a house of cards.

I most likely, at some point in my life, have been taught every thing the text for this class teaches. In no way does that mean I remember it or practice it. I want to be open to all of this information because what I do know and remember is that it will truly transform my life.

Remember the book (paraphrasing) "Everything I Needed to Know for Life I learned in the Third Grade". I read it, and it was funny, heartwarming and so true. I did learn everything I need to know for life in the third grade, but I don't really remember the third grade. I need to be retaught this information on how to live a successful and happy life.

I hope to make new friends, new connections, enjoy the experience of all that "college life" has to offer.

While I see it through different eyes than most of my classmates, college life is a completely new experience for me. I am excited about it and want to absorb everything it has to offer academically and socially.


Write three or more of your desired experiences for this course and/or this semester. Next (or under) each, explain why you value having that experience.

Build self esteem, regain control of my physical body, expand my mind.

I want to be confident, lean (well, in shape) and well educated. I have always gone after what I wanted and usually gotten it, in this stage of my life this is how I see myself creating the vessel I need to continue to lead a joyful life.

I want to enjoy myself and have a positive effect on the people around me, likewise, I hope the people around me are happy and experiencing joy and make a lasting impression on me.

I feel I am mentally healthiest when I am well connected with other positive and mentally healthy people. They can give me energy and I hope that I can return good energy to them.

I hope to build a positive force, a synergy, in this my first semester of college at the age of 44, that will keep growing with each semester.

I value this desired experience a lot. For me to keep at this, and I am sure I will, I need a positive synergy to build like to tidal wave, getting bigger and stronger with each semester. This, along with staying focused each day, I am sure will bring higher than expected results.

Write about your level of motivation using the formula V x E = M

I was trained as a professional athlete. I'm in our I am out. When using the above formula I am confident I am a 100, using the tools written about above, the entire text of On Course - and the athletic training I have had since I was 8 until leaving to tour Ice Capades, I am pretty confident about what is going on here and how to keep it up.

"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it"

If being both a Creator and a Victim; does that make us BI Mental? Is that the same as BI Polar?

This is the "Rag Doll" number from the Radio City Hall Christmas Spectacular. This and the "Toy Soldier" number they have included in the Christmas show for some 50 plus years.

I think it is a rare occasion when we don't grow through our teen years and not have a large portion of our mental reality thinking we are a victim. I say that with some age and (hopefully) wisdom under my belt. I do not dwell on it, and am no longer a "victim" of it, but I had a harder than usual childhood and it continued through my teens. Our parents, I acknowledge, did the best they could, but it was very substandard. As adults my brother and I joke that what we learned about parenting and relationships from our parents was; if you can't be a good example, then most likely you are going to be a horrible warning.

They were and continue to be horrible warnings of what not to do. David, my brother, and I take heed to these lessons and work daily to be good creative humans. But both of our late teens and twenty's were difficult because we both felt like absolute victims. Our parents were victims so we learned it well, we lived in a pink bubble of emotionally sick luxury, and everybody and everything was out to get us. The start of my healing, even though it was still years away, was when I went on tour with Ice Capades. I was away from our unhealthy family life, but I still lived in a little bubble of the privileged. My point, and I do have one, is it still took years before I had what Oprah would call my "ah-ha" moment. This moment came in my late 20's, with considerable expense to me emotionally, to my ego, and for a short time to my skating career.

After years of being a successful skater (I thought anyway, hindsight has informed me I was difficult to work with and an all around ass), I was doing an ice show just outside of San Fransisco. All shows (ice or not) have a wardrobe department and that department includes "dressers" who help you get ready and especially are valuable for fast changes when you have to change and get back on stage. At this particular show my dresser was an 18 year old girl. Dressers are always local people with some degree of theater background. Usual attire backstage at an ice show are your skates, and a g string. Just for a little more background, we do not wear g strings because we think we are sexy, it is because it makes for a nice line in the usually tight costumes. Note that you NEVER see underwear lines at an ice show or watching skating on TV.

I digress, anyway.

So myself and my dressing room buddy Bobby Bowles were getting pumped for another show after a day of standing ovations, make up on, in our backstage wear when the dresser came in. Our dressing room did not have any bottled water (this was in our contract but not the dressers responsibility) and I barked to her to go get us water. She politely declined and continued to get our costumes ready and I was incensed. I pulled my g string down to my ankles, put my hands on my hips and said tell the stage manager I am not skating until you bring us bottled water.

Practically nude, in front of a 18 year old girl, making unreasonable demands and acting absolutely horrid, a complete ass. It makes me cringe (and laugh a little I have to admit) to write this. She went to get the stage manager (also telling him what had just transpired) and he brought us water and asked about what had just happened. After the curtain call of that show, security was in my dressing room to escort me from the venue, and the producer instantly fired me.

Me!!! I was Kevin Day!!! I was the biggest asset any ice show could have for ticket sales!!! What the hell were they thinking?? HOW DARE THEM DO THIS TO ME!!!

It is so elementary how this entire situation could have been avoided. I was a ticking victim time bomb for years, and this was the beginning of a new chapter. Ice shows went on without Kevin. For several months producers would not take my managers calls. My Inner Defender kept trying to make me feel better, but it was growing weak. The louder voice was saying "boy, you messed up, you need to change or.....", so I did.

Three months later, I got an interview with Charles Schultz, the creator of the peanuts. He wanted to use me for a Christmas Special he was doing, but had also heard of my recent behavior. He was a sweet soft spoken man, and listed to me as I owned my behavior (perhaps for the first time in my life), accepted how it was extremely wrong, and promised him I would be a complete professional during his production. He offered me the contract and that was the beginning of a complete new Kevin. I was sad when I heard he died and will always credit him with helping me make the decision to take the path of becoming a better person.

Fast forward about five years, I actually had the reputation of being a true die hard professional on any set or production site. I no longer had a manager and handled all of our contracts (I was a pair skater). We were approached by someone who said we would be perfect of a show they do at Radio City Music Hall that had a small bit of ice skating in it. We had done some high profile jobs, and worked with many stars - but the Rockettes!!! New York!!! Radio City!! I tried to be cool, and took the number of the producer, but was terrified to call. However, my desire to be a part of this show was stronger than my fear. I made an outline of what I was going to say, notes with answers to possible questions he may ask, and dialed him up. While we knew many of the same people, he did not know of us. We had a decent talk, nothing warm and friendly, and said good bye. Was he going to hear about my horrible behavior? If he did, could I convince him that was a long time ago and I was different? Was I different?

The entertainment field wreaks havoc on your mental state.

He called our mutual friends and other producers and we got the job. We did many great shows but that one was the highlight of my skating career. Working at Radio City with the Rockettes was like being a small part of American entertainment history. Not to mention how many cute chorus boys were in that show. (Blush)

In both of these stories the outcome was, of course, completely different, One incredibly negative and one incredibly positive. Both outcomes were also the direct result of my decisions and my actions. It was during and after Radio City I really started to realize how the decisions you make and actions you take completely effect your present state of serenity and your future serenity.

The lesson you can take away from this journal entry is so very well written by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross at the top of the assignment sheet for this journal entry.

"I believe we are solely responsible for our
choices, and we have to accept the
consequences of every deed, word, and thought
throughout our lifetime."

"....and the Oscar goes to"

I just realized the Oscars are on!

I only watch them every couple of years, and always enjoy them. Jon Stewart, one of my favorite comedians and a Oscar host, was funny and entertaining in the Emmy clip above. It is always a nice ice breaker when you can get a room full of people who are on pins and needles to nervously giggle and laugh. I think the most moving Oscar win came when Halle Berry won for Monster's Ball. You can watch the clip by clicking here. Before you watch it, get a tissue, I cry EVERY SINGLE TIME I watch it.

On to journal 6 of chapter 2 about the Inner Critic aka IC and the Inner Defender aka ID.

Write a sentence expressing a recent problem or event that upset you.

After a tragic Tuesday I missed school on Wednesday and we were out Thursday and Friday, and I spent this time mostly crying, upset and sleeping. I have lots of studying to do as well as errands and such, I feel like I wasted and lost a lot of time.

Write a list of three or more criticisms your Inner Critic (IC) might level against you as a result of this situation. Have your Inner Guide (IG) dispute each one immediately.

IC - You are such a procrastinator, you will fail in school for sure.

IG - You are hurting, allow yourself to grieve and know you will be okay.

IC - Your life is a mess, you will never pull it together.

IG - Your emotions are blown out of proportion because of your loss, your life is not a mess, in fact, you are on such good track. I am proud of you.

IC - You are fat and pathetic

IG - Again, this is your emotions running amok. You are not fat, but if you want to loose weight then do so, and you are hardly pathetic.

IC - Why do bad things always happen to me?

IG - Bad things happen to everyone, give yourself time to grieve and carry on. Good things happen to you also, you have many things to be grateful for.


Write a list of three or more criticisms your Inner Defender (ID) might level against someone else or life as a result of this situation. Have your Inner Guide (IG) dispute each one immediately.

ID - You have no control over anything in your life.

IG - You have complete control of your own life.

ID - After this past week of loafing you are sure to blow it at school.

IG - You needed to take a few days to sort yourself out and pull yourself together, and you are looking so rested. Get ready for a great week!

ID - Lack of money will set you up for failure for sure in school.

IG - Many people have achieved much more with much less than you. Stay in a mindset of being grateful and stay consistent with your studies, and everything will be fine.

ID - Your parents are millionaires and do not care if you fail, or they would help you more financially.

IG - Your parents, while maybe not the most conventional people on earth, do love you and want to see you succeed. They are proud of what you have done so far, and are excited about your future. Handing you money will not fix any problems you have real or imagined.

I have seen a shrink for years, so I am very versed in the power and damage of inner conversations. While it took a long time to sink in, once I realized this, once it clicked, I had major changes in my life for the better. For this knowledge and other wisdom I continue to learn, I am very grateful.

Fat, Fatter, Rosanne Barr

This is journal entry 5 from chapter 2, on making wise choices. It was a great bit of reading, I am immediately hit with how I would never have time to sit down and spend such needed time on making decisions. Perhaps, one would only use this process on lifes more major choices.

The text is offering six statements (below in bold) and I am going to explore each statement as it applies to my situation immediately under the question in red.

What's my present situation?

In a word, FAT. Since retiring from figure skating in 1996 I have gained 50 pounds. I go back and forth thinking I was too thin when I skated and am healthy now, and not wanting to buy into the whole marketing idea that thin is beautiful. It is easier to accept yourself for who and what you are, and I am being lazy not wanting to put the effort into changing my eating habits and denying myself some of my favorite foods.

How would I like my situation to be?

Mainly I want to be healthy, and I am. I also would like to be more attractive, and to me that would be about 20 pounds lighter.

Do I have a choice here?

Absolutely!

What are my possible choices?

• staying away from fast food
• eating more veggies
  
• cutting out fried foods
• eating more fruit
• water instead of sugary soft drinks
• exercise
  
• cutting back or eliminating snacking at night
• more exercise
• more water

What's the possible outcome of each possible choice?

All of the above possible choices would lend themselves to the goal of living more healthy and over time loosing weight. All are doable and easy in my fast life.

Which choices will I commit to doing?

All of the, why not. I will do it for a week and see how I do. After that, another week. I am not going to strive for a "goal weight" as it would be something else I have to keep up with, but the simple choices I made above will, in time, reduce my weight.

Doing the wise choice process above made me realize it is not that difficult, and did not take near as much time as I thought it would. I have mentioned time several times, as you can tell, time is precious to me so I really always try to make wise choices with my time.

That said, lets get on to the next reading and journal!

The Valentines Day Massacre

Eighty years to the day of the notorious "Valentines Day Massacre" I was in Chicago, the city where it occurred, embracing and enjoying life, loving and laughing more than I have ever known as an adult. It was a pure joy that I will remember the rest of my days. It will also be the last time I acknowledge and celebrate St. Valentines day.

Once, on some radio talk show, I heard that dealing with the loss of someone actually equates to the physical pain of being punched in the stomach. Forty eight hours after returning from Chicago, getting back in the groove of my predictable and comfortable schedule in Dallas, I got the first punch. I speak from the experience of this past six days, it is not just a single punch, it is a beating. Punch after punch they kept coming. Being a Computer Science major I think like a computer, things are very black and white to me, very logical. I could make no logic for this loss, there was no resolution, no final good bye hug, just loss. It was dark, it hurt, and like a computer I crashed and shut down.

When I was a younger professional figure skater, and even today, music has always played a huge role in my life, like it does in many peoples lives. As a choreographer, music would often give me visions of movement, shapes and colors; evoke emotions, even offer strength. Music is powerful, and I used this tool to pull my self back together. Like a computer I had to reboot and continue living. I still hurt, but each day is a little easier. I am thankful for music.

I am a bit behind on my journal entries and that is not how I want to journal. I am about to do several back to back and I also am sure they were not intended to be done as such. This entry is about Victim Language and Creator Language. This was the first time I could bring myself to write and not be a "Victim" after this past weeks loss.

I am a strong man, a strong human, and eternity optimistic. With some sadness life does go on, but it feels so good to be back in what our textbook would call "Creator" and what I call "Kevin's healthy mental state of mind".

Below, in bold, are ten Victim Language quotes from the book. Just below them, not in bold, and in the color red, will be my translation turning the Victim Language into Creative Language.


If they would do something about the parking on campus, I wouldn't be late so often.

Since parking seems to be such an issue, I am going to start taking the bus or riding my bike.

I am failing because no one in my family is good at math. I think we have defective math genes.

Math is a difficult subject for me, so I am going to ask my instructor to suggest a tutor and spend more time in the math lab.

I'm too shy to ask questions in class even when I am confused.

I am confused in class, so I will stay after and ask the instructor since I am too shy to speak during class. I also am going to work on not being shy!

She's a lousy instructor. That's why I failed the first test.

Her teaching style is not my favorite, so I am going to really apply myself to studying.

I hate group projects because people are lazy and I always end up doing most of the work.

I cannot control other people, only myself. I will ask for every ones equal participation, however, I am willing to do whatever has to be done to make a good grade on this project.

I wish I could write better, but I just cant.

I want to be a good writer, so I am going to apply myself harder to this subject. I am able to do anything I set my mind too.

My friend got me so angry that I could not even study for the exam.

I need to take some time to relax and calm down over my anger with my friend, that way I will be able ot focus and study for tomorrows exam.

I'll try to do my best this semester.

I will do my best this semester, staying focused every single day.

The financial aid for is too complicated to fill out.

I am going to go to the financial aid office and ask for help filling out this form.

I work nights so I didn't have time to do the assignment.

Today, I need to structure my schedule so that I have plenty of study time and not miss another assignment.

If the ten statements in bold above came out of one persons mouth I would have to slap them! Good Lord. While reading about and practicing Creator Language, I've realized that we often give ourselves little "outs" and wiggle room to not take responsibility for our actions. Therefore, if you don't take responsibility, you are a victim.

Grow a pair, take responsibility for yourself and take action.

Responsibility is being taught, but is it being learned?

I have said before, to my friends and to the professor of this class that requires me to journal, that I love this class. If I never am able to identify a prepositional phrase or work a geometric equation that will be fine with me. I hope I can absorb and even share with others the importance of taking responsibility for your thoughts and life, also, to be able to identify responsibility when it is being sincerely expressed in the form of a verb (as in taking action).

Several years ago I had decided I was no longer going to vote. The political process had begun to deeply disturb and disgust me. I felt like I was one of zillions of armchair quarterbacks and our Presidential elections were the Superbowl; complete with mascots, team names, every few years new (and overpaid) players, cheating, and billions of pundits giving their opinion on how the game (election) was being played, should be played, and should have been played.

Most all of the play during the Superbowl "Election" was based on outright lies, each player belittling the other and to use an overused phrase, slinging mud. While I am a life long proud democrat, I would always become disenchanted even with my own candidate (team) at some point. I could never bring myself to vote republican, however, it often felt like I was choosing the lesser of two evils.

I was not preached to about not voting when I told a close friend, but this wise friend reminded me of my responsibility to vote. Since this time, seven and three quarter years ago (do the math and figure that one out) my countries government has made me weep openly with overwhelming joy. I never thought in my lifetime I would see a same sex marriage and I never thought in my lifetime I would see a black man be Commander in Chief. Even writing this paragraph makes my pulse slightly elevate in a humbling joy. As the human race we have so far to go, but I am so glad I took my part, my responsibility as much as I could to facilitate both of these things happening.

Do I think two men or two women should be able to get married because I am gay? No. I think they should have the right to marry because they are human and in love. Do I think a black man should have gotten my vote because he was black or democrat? Of course not. He got my vote because he was the most qualified candidate our country has produced in decades. The words "taking responsibility" somewhere down the line has gotten a bad wrap, somehow meaning something almost negative. Taking responsibility also can be extremely empowering. I see the latter being taught in our class and it is fantastic.

Presidential candidates should be required to take this class before running for office, well, the republicans anyway. Opps, did I say that?

Our journal exercise today is in two parts, one asks us to complete some sentences and the second is a free writing about our experiences thus far, so here we go.

Write and complete each of the ten sentences below, the text from the book will be in bold, that not in bold is the student (my) response.

1. If I take full responsibility for all my actions I see myself being empowered to accomplish great things and helping others.
2. If I take responsibility for all my thoughts it would be a miracle, but I try daily.
3. If I take responsibility for all my feelings I know I would be a happier person.
4. If I take responsibility for my my education I will form good study habits and make better than average grades.
5. If I take full responsibility for my career I will be able to do anything I set my mind too.
6. If I take full responsibility for my relationships I will be a better friend, relative and mate.
7. If I take responsibility for my health I will enjoy the much taken for granted luxury of a healthy life.
8. If I take full responsibility for all that happens to me I am no longer a victim.
9. When I am acting fully responsibility for my life I enjoy life more and am able to bring joy to others.
10. If I were to create my very best self I would be where I am right now, doing what I am doing right now, hence, I am a work in progress and I am happy with the progress.

Write about what you have learned or relearned in this journal about personal responsibility and how you will use this knowledge to improve your life.

There is nothing new I have been exposed to in this text book or my writings so far, however, I had forgotten the importance these simple life rules, these simple core values, that were all taught to me and understood by the time I was 10 years old. It is refreshing to revisit them as an adult with a new and deeper understanding of how they can / do apply to me and how I can use these tools to be a better human. Be the human I want to be.

Mr. Rogers, Performance Enhancing Drugs and Accepting Overheard Praise

If you have a few moments, watch, enjoy and be deeply touched by Fred Rodgers aka Mr. Rodgers from 1969 as he appeared before the United States Senate Subcommittee on Communications. His goal was to support funding for PBS and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, in response to significant proposed cuts by President Nixon.I grew up with this man teaching us to accept and love all people, to me he is one of many of our national treasures.

This past week we heard about two sports figures using drugs. One recreational and one as a performance enhancing drug. I am of course talking about Alex Rodriguez and Michael Phelps. They are two completely different types of stories and both speak volumes about the individuals.

I got my chops busted by Chris Jagger, a friend and local radio deejay for A-Rod "bashing". I did not mean so much to bash him - I just get so tired of sports figures being referred to as "heros". Some are great men, some do great things, but they play sports - hardly in my book a hero. Baseball is not exclusive to cheating, lying and deception. It goes for all professional sports. Sports of any kind is a game, and (some) people cheat at games.

Being an ex pro athlete I personally am all for taking anything you can to enhance your performance. I think you should push yourself to the absolute limit and see what you can achieve. GO FOR IT, JUST DO IT, etc.. Talk about exciting! Even in the Olympics, lets see exactly what the human body can do. However, there are rules that ban this sort of behavior while participating in your chosen sport.

I could branch off into A-Rod did something that was banned at his work place, during work, while Michael did something completely outside of his sport that has nothing to do with his sporting event performance or the integrity of his gold medals. But for now I am going to skip these topics and get to the beef of what irks me.

What the issue is for me (and I only speak for myself) I can sum up in two words; blow job. Did I think President Clinton getting a blow job from Monica in the oval office was a big deal, no. What gets under my skin is when anyone looks misty eyed directly into a camera and denies what they have done. A-Rod did this and is an idiot. If you are going to be asked a hard question and are going to lie about the answer making a public idiot of yourself, avoid the interview. Tell Matt Lauer you're going to sleep in and not be able to make the TODAY show, or you have a pedicure planned, but don't go knowing they are going to ask, knowing you're going to lie and knowing you are going to be found out as a fraud. Best of all, do not do anything that will comprimise your public honor and dignity.

It's called integrity, most of us learned it by age 4 watching Mr. Rodgers.

So, in class the other day we did an exercise entitled "Overheard Praise". Under any circumstances it would have been interesting, but what gave it an added twist was that we are relatively new and don't really know each other at all. I have said hello to one or two ladies that I have in other classes, but that is about it.

Let me quickly add, that I do adore and dig the ladies in my group (we call ourselves The Achievers) so that made the exercise easier and was a great ice breaker for us to get to know each other a little better.

My experience as being the one in the hot seat, accepting praise, was pleasant. It is always nice to hear a total stranger say something positive about you. Lakisha, who is in my Algebra class, said I was good in Algebra. That was nice recognition and felt very sincere. Others also said I was confident and a gentleman, also seemingly sincere and enjoyable to hear. Other things mentioned were about my hair and my style of dress (what style??) just seemed like filler, pleasant but generic things to say about someone you really don't know.

I don't want to take away from anything anyone said, it was nice, but nothing blew me away. I have had years of skating shows I was featured in reviewed, both good and bad. I get about as excited as someone saying something positive as I get disappointed when someone says something negative. I am very middle of the road when it comes to others opinions. We all have them and just the nature of "opinion" conveys that there is no right or wrong.

Learning from being in the hot seat first, I didn't want to be guilty of saying something that I considered filler, so I tried to be as real as possible. I did find myself embarrassed when I mentioned one of the girls was really beautiful and not the others. I even tried to stay away from anything about ones physical being. I said I did not know why, but I feel Monique was very smart; and with nothing to back it up other than her talking proudly about her beautiful baby, I said I felt like Lakisha was a loving mother.

Bottom line, the 5 of us got to know each other, giggled, talked and bonded a little. Now when we see each other in the halls or on the street we wave and greet each other. Several of us traded phone numbers. It was a great positive experience (much like your class).

One last thought (I'm sorry I ramble so much, I write for several publications and never have a shortage of something to say), two classes ago (per your suggestion during our first class) I moved to the other side of the room to sit during class. It is an interesting observation to me that no one else has done this. We humans find a "space" that is comfortable and do not want to go outside that space (space being a physical place or a mental place). Since I was young I have always been pushed out of that "space" by parents, coaches and managers to find other spaces, some better, some worse - but all had something to teach me. I am glad I moved to the other side of your class room because I got to meet 5 wonderful women.

Drink more coffee.

Time Flies

Another week of school has come and gone, it started last weekend with me worried if I could balance and keep up with the amount of work I was being given outside the classroom. That became a secondary worry when last weekend I came down with the flu, missing two days of classes and feeling even further behind.

I used the two days to rest and catch up and all seems to be good now. This past week I even had my first Algebra exam and made a 95%. While I am trying to be thankful, I am irritated that I did not ace it. I am sure my mistakes were oversights and carelessness, I must stay more focused. Also this past week my Developmental Writing teacher, Ms. Crews, gave me positive praise on one of my first essays. That was a much needed boost to my academic self esteem.

While she liked my writing, I am having a hell of a time with prepositional phrases. I plan on spending several hours on them today and tomorrow before my Tuesday class. I want to be able to go into class and OWN all parts of a sentence. All in time.

I read further in my "On Course" text for Mrs Harris class and this is my second journal entry. I was hoping to have others, more personal ones about my growth while going to school, but I have discovered that time is a luxury and there is only so much to go around. As I say that I look over at 3 loads of laundry to get done, my hair that needs cut, a kitchen to be cleaned and I will be in Chicago next weekend. There is no time for dallying about this week!

My book text ask me to "write a list of 10 or more of your personal strengths".

1. My ability to regroup and re-invent myself to adapt to a situation
   
2. I am a quick study, absorbing and processing information fast
3. I enjoy and am good at cooking
4. I gracefully take responsibility for my mistakes
5. When needed, for business or otherwise, I can be exceedingly charming.
6. I have a wickedly delicious humor.
7. I am a giving caring person and good friend.
8. Fiercely loyal.
9. I can identify a need and fill it.
10. Tech Savvy.

"Write a list of 10 or more of your personal weaknesses".

1. I am weak in long division
2. I would like to make more time to stay in shape.
3. Procrastination.
4. I have a hard time remembering peoples name.
5. I am too hard on myself regarding my appearance.
6. Crown Royal.
7. Money Management.
   
8. I hate going to the dentist.
9. Starting a project and following through to the end.
10. Living beyond my means.

Using the information in Steps 1 and 2 and score #8 on your self assessment write about the present state of your self-esteem.

My father is an extremely negative person, I do not think he takes a sick secret joy in telling me what I cannot accomplish, but he has spent most of his life doing so. With some emotional expense, I have always overcome this. Going back to school as a student, I left a stylish loft at Victory Park to live with him to save money - and again as if I were still a teenager, he belittles me with a sarcastic meanness I would not wish on anyone. Sometimes it can get to me, when I am tired or hungry or such, but most of the time I can let it slide or (even better) call him on it.

I would say my self esteem is strong and in tact. I rely on the closeness of several good friends, my better half, music and my ability to live laugh and learn to not let his cutting attitude bring me down.

My brother and mother can also be a source of judgmental condemnation. I just try to love them and have little expectations from them, if I can stay in that mind frame I am not ever disappointed.

For 13 years, right out of High School, I was a professional figure skater; skating with Ice Capades, Stars on Ice, shows in Las Vegas, opening ceremonies of Olympic Festival and shows at Radio City Music Hall with the Rockettes. When thirty thousand people are giving you a standing ovation it is hard to let the thoughts of small people effect you.

This weeks photo is a poster for a production of Steel Magnolias, the handsome man featured on the poster is focus of my affection; David Weeks. I look forward to spending Valentines Day weekend with him this week in Chicago.