Chapter 5, Journal 16

1. Write and complete the following sentence stems:

1. An outer obstacle that stands between me and my success in college is the time and energy that I spend worrying about things that do not matter.
2. Someone besides me, who could help me overcome this outer obstacle is any of my professors. They are all great, approachable and willing to help.
3. How this person could help is by listening to me, and offering a different point of view.
4. An inner obstacle that stands between me and my success in college is living on the verge of Quadrant III and my unhealthy relationship with my father.
5. Someone besides me, who could help me overcome this inner obstacle is my shrink.
6. How this person could help me is by listening to me, and offering a different point of view and perhaps even a plan to get out of this rut.
7. The most challenging course I am taking in college this semester is Algebra.
8. This course is challenging for me because there are many tedious formulas to memorize, I am more of a big picture kind of guy. Details bog me down.
9. Someone besides me, who could help me overcome this challenge is my professor, he is caring, understanding and really wants us to learn.
10. How this person could help me is by some one on one time with him, which he has given freely.

2. Write about two (or more) choices you could make to create a stronger network for yourself in college.

Be open. I need to be open to making more friends and allow myself to ask for help. To relay on them. I do think it is important to find friends who are of the same educational determination or higher, if you start a network of couch potato's they can (and will) effect you in a downward manor.

I also need to be MUCH more open to asking for help, offering help when asked, and participating in study groups. I am intimidated by asking to be a part of study group, or even afraid I would look stupid - but I know this is something I will need to look into this.

Chapter 5, Journal 15

1. Write and complete the following ten sentence stems:

1. A specific situation when someone assisted me was my best friend Ryan, when I needed to be moved from another city to Dallas.
2. A specific situation when I assisted someone else was weekly, I mow two yards every weekend for my father because he is not physically able to do so. His ego tells him that I owe this to him for everything that he has done for me, but I know the truth.
3. A specific situation where I made assisting someone else more important than my own success and happiness was - I am truly embarrassed that I cannot think of an instance I have made such a self sacrifice.
4. When some ask me for assistance I usually feel bothered and put out, unless it is only for a short period of time. I am lofty in thinking that my time is so valuable.
5. When I think of asking for someone else for assistance I usually feel incompetent.
6. What usually gets in the way of my asking for help is my ego and pride.
7. If I often asked other people for assistance I would feel like a free loader.
8. If I joyfully gave assistance to others a degree of joy would be returned to me.
9. If i gratefully accepted assistance from others I might be able to accomplish more, learn more, learn how to return (give) assistance more.
10. One goal that I could use assistance with today is being open to allowing more people to become my friend. Being open and patient with dating.

2. Write about what you discovered in completing the sentence stems in Step 1: Is your typical relationship to others (1) dependent (2) codependent (3) independent, or (4) interdependent?

It is a well documented fact that I am independent to a fault. For years I have pulled my own weight and had very little patience with people who do not. In fact, if I see someone who is not (in my lofty opinion) pulling their own weight, not only will I not offer to help, if they ask I will say no. In return and to my own detriment, I treat myself the same way.

My family life cultivated this early on, mother going through 5 husbands before my little brother was out of college. Skating further ingrained this into my way of thinking due to there is no team about it, no interaction to work together for the better of the whole.

After pretty much raising my little brother as mother went from one relationship to another, honestly feeling like he was my only family, the only one who would always be there for me, he got married. Once married, he had his on family and his (strange) wife did not like his family (us), including me, around. So in many ways I feel like I lost my brother. So other than my best friend, I feel very isolated and alone. Even my best friend has a wife and two kids so our time is very limited.

What is odd about this, is I know this is not the most healthy way to be or live, but I have become strangely accustomed to it. In fact, it is strange to me to have people who want to be around me, help me, need help, etc.. This class has made me look at many ingrained values I have and question them. I think there is a better way to live, a better life out there, and I want it and am willing to do anything I need to learn or do to have it.

This is an ongoing thought process I have daily - not destructively, but I am just constantly aware of it. Since it is ongoing I do not know how to wrap this up, end this journal entry - I guess I will do so by telling myself that I love myself and am proud of the track I am on.

=)

Chapter 27, Journal 25

1. Write about where you are presently off course in your role as a student and offer a plan for making a course correction.

This entry ask that we address four different areas, I will address them as A, B, C and D.

A) While I fully acknowledge that in every class, including this one, I could have applied myself more and done better, I feel surprisingly on course. I had two classes that I had a bad attitude mid-way through. My first gut reaction was the teacher was lacking, not sharing information they way I wanted it to be shared - I acknowledge I can only change myself. Once I adjusted my attitude, and made a game plan to be successful in the class despite what or how I "felt" about the teacher, my grades shot up and my work got better.

B) I always instantly know if I am off course on whatever it is I am doing at school, work, home, etc.. so the problem for me is not knowing if I am off course, it is if I am willing to acknowledge it and do something about it. My inner guide and / or the people around me can give me all the feedback they want, but until my stubborn ass makes the decision to acknowledge there is a problem and make needed changes "it is what it is". I am, however, not that self destructive and usually come around pretty quickly.

C) I am thankful to say, since my 30's - I have had a much more successful plan for getting back on course than I did prior in life. It involves thinking, doing, believing and feeling but is very simple and can be summed up in a extremely short sentence.

The only person in the world I can change is myself. This is my simple but effective plan.

It took me years to realize this. Years. Once I did the simplicity and effectiveness of this plan brought overwhelming joy to my life. Would I want to be in my 20's again? HELL NO. I can look around the classroom and see the road that will be traveled by many of my classmates, and like mine, it is going to be hard - no thank you to going down that road again. =)

D) I am always open to continued learning and am humbled by what life has taught me so far. I think U of L (University of Life) now has pointed me in a direction that wants me to be true to my nature, my self. Not needing the permission or approval of others, not being ashamed of who I am or where I come from. To be a real more raw and open with my emotions human being, to connect with others where in the past I have kept people out. This is a huge challenge for me, very difficult, but I see the benefits it can possibly bring.

Journal Entry 24

I know you are a busy woman. If you only watch one more thing I send please watch the above video. I even promise not to send anymore if you JUST WATCH THIS ONE. You may have seen it before, if so, still take a moment to enjoy it.

I have been complaining about how tired I've been during the past several weeks of school, test after test, finals coming up and late nights of study. My best friend Ryan, father of two, shared this video with me about a year ago. Tonight I embrace the homework I will be doing until 1 or 2 AM as a privilege and not a chore.

1. Write about the most challenging course you are taking this semester.

This past semester the most challenging course I have taken is Developmental Writing. Since I am hardly ever at a loss for an opinion or words, I thought this would be a breeze. It has been far from it. In addition to being tough the teacher has done very little to engage us in class, not my best learning style. I like lecture, being engaged, pondering theory and looking for solution. This particular class is read a chapter, take a test - over and over. The only time she will talk to us is if we fail a test, she will give us a few moments of her time at her desk before we retake the test.

The textbook we use is adequate but far from what I could consider exploding with information to spark the brain. I often go to the Internet or other books for much needed additional information. Despite these challenges, and some shaky ground during the past semester, I think I may make a low A in the class. I can easily see how a younger Kevin would have given up.

2. Using what you know about the way you prefer to learn, write about choices you can make that will help you learn this challenging subject more easily.

I guess to answer the above question, I look back and realize that where the teacher fell short for my learning style, I picked up the slack. I needed to ask questions and be engaged, so I did it myself with the Internet and additional reading. I needed to think beyond what the text offered so I went outside of the textbook. I turned to friends and had conversations about adverbs, dangling modifiers and prepositional phrases. Had I not pushed myself to do this, I am sure I would be retaking this class this coming fall.

The man in the video above died mid year of 08. He accomplished many things in his personal and professional life and fully embraced his death with a smile and open arms. He woke up to the same sunshine we all do, went to bed with the same moon - and sat on the toilet daily. WE ARE ALL EQUAL, it is the choices we make on a daily basis, a moment by moment basis that make us different.

One Tired Boy - Chapter 7, Journal 23

I'm exhausted. Mentally and physically, I am exhausted. One of the only things that has kept me "on track" is making sure I eat okay and get plenty of rest. Looking back as my first college semester comes to its final few weeks I am extremely proud of 90% of what I have done, but I am never going to take this many hours at one time again!

Five classes didn't seem that much when I signed up but now I know. I could have done better if I had just one less class. I am in no rush to get out of school or go anywhere, so taking less of a class load next time is no big deal.

I am, however, so completely exhausted I have no artistic expression to add to this post. I also study so much recently I have no opinions about what is going on in the news because I do not know what is going on. It is a sad and scary day when Kevin Day has no opinions about anything. My entire focus is pulling off these last few weeks with grace and a degree of success (meaning I hope I make all A's).

I just finished 12 hours of algebra study. I always save my journaling for last because I enjoy it the most. Journaling allows me to end my study day on a high note.

1. Write about something you have learned simply because you loved learning it.

The first thing that comes to mind was the overwhelming passion I had for ice skating for twenty plus years. I could not absorb learning to skate fast enough. Jumps, spins, the feel of cold air rushing by you as your heart was pounding. It was an immediate love for me. I would skate for yours until I could not get out of bed the next day I was so sore. I would push myself until I could not walk to the car. Once, dad had to take me to the emergency room where I was admitted and stayed for five days because I was so exhausted and dehydrated. That is passion, my definition anyway.

The most helpful thing that helped me learn this sport? I'm not sure, it was a combination of things. Surely the repetition, having a personal coach to work on technique. You know, as I write this I think the most helpful thing for me was my intense, almost insane desire, to excel at this sport. Nothing and no one was going to keep me off the ice. Yes, the most helpful thing was my desire.

Additional activities (or approaches as the text book calls it) would have been the television and VCR. I would watch everything on skating, tape it all, and watch the skaters execute the jumps in slow motion, frame by frame. Even the falls, I would want to know why they fell. I started to recognize when someone would drop a shoulder in the air while rotating and predict a fall before it happened. I would compare what I saw to how I felt when I was in the air rotating. Visualization on the television and in my minds eye played a big part.

I was at my "home rink" or some rink everyday. It was my life, everything I did revolved around skating in some way or another. It is safe to say I engaged in this activity daily for a minimum of 2 hours. Some weeks Dad would force me to stay home to rest (my body did need it), but I could easily spend 6 to 8 hours a day skating.

My experiences while engaged in this activity were for the most part euphoric. Like anything, there was frustration, the feeling that you had peeked out (could not progress anymore), or were told negative things that would discourage some - but my bounce back time was usually 5 minutes or less! HA!

The rewards from this were to many to list. In a nutshell, I was paid handsomely to travel the world for free, see beautiful places, stay in beautiful hotels, meet and experience friendships that have lasted my lifetime and inspire others. I hear from men and women now who say they started skating because of seeing me skate, or kids (now adults) that I used to teach who have kids of their own that say they wish I would coach their kids. I had no idea, I would have never dreamed, that my pre-teen obsession would set off such a chain of events.

2. Write about a course you are now taking from the point of view of an active learner.

We all go through the chore of cooking because we want to eat. We bathe, groom ourselves and fix our hair just so because we want to be attractive, we flirt because we want to be loved. Nothing could stop us from having the desire to be loved or to be feed - and that is how bad you have to desire learning.

I am grateful for this opportunity to share with you exactly what I did that helped me be such a successful learner when I took this class, but one thing needs to be perfectly clear, before you can say you learned anything. Before you can say you took from what this class offered and more, you have to want it, and you have to want it bad. There are some classes that are disciplines, you may not have a great passion for but realize in the big picture it must be done. Even in these classes you need to want to attend and excel, even in these not so enjoyable classes you MUST challenge yourself to be the best student in the class when you feel your worse.

It is obvious who wants to be here and who does not. The people who do not want to be here think they are cleaver and that they are fooling others. These people are not only fooling no one, they are wasting their lives. If this is not what you want to do, if this is not what you desire, GO DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. Do yourself a favor, create your own life, I hope for you it is full of joy, laughter and love. But don't waste your time doing something you do not desire.

I desired to come back to school as an adult. I left a loft in Victory Plaza that had a downtown view and sold my Nissan Xterra to buy a bike and DART pass. I was, and still am, willing to do whatever it takes to experience getting a higher education and see what new passions and doors it opens for me.

Love and respect yourself, follow your desires, not the desires that someone else has for you. It is when you follow you own desires that you will truly learn to live out loud.

Opps, I did it again!!

That is more than just a Britney Spears song - I forgot to log in last night and check in - I did spend 30 minutes with my text Wordsmith. Two test coming up this coming week so will be hitting that book this weekend also.

April Fool-ish

On day one of my 32 Day Commitment I forgot to record it in my journal - but I did spend 30 minutes reading in my Developmental Writing text called Wordsmith.

If you note the time, I am up early to take dad to the airport, Lord I am looking forward to a quite house.